The Compatibility Conundrum
by TheRealMaraJade
Summary: Warnings: SPOILERS FOR SEASON THREE FINALE; Pairing: Sheldon/Amy; Summary: What if Sheldon and Amy REALLY become an item? How would their, er, dynamics work?; Beta by the WONDERFUL htbthomas, THANK YOU SO MUCH, B! :


Title: The Compatibility Conundrum  
Rating: PG  
Warnings: SPOILERS FOR SEASON THREE FINALE  
Pairing: Sheldon/Amy (I believe it's their first EVER fic! ;))  
Summary: What if Sheldon and Amy REALLY become an item? How would their, er, dynamics work? ;)  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of this, even though I wish I did. At least Sheldon and Raj. :) I do this for fun, no copyright infringment intended, and I make absolutely no money from this. Reviews are highly appreciated, though! :)

The Compatibility Conundrum

They had just finished watching the new Star Trek movie on Blu-ray. Raj and Howard had already left, when Amy suddenly announced, "Sheldon, I think we should have intercourse tonight."

Penny almost choked on her Diet Coke. Leonard looked at Amy like she had suddenly sprouted a second head.

Sheldon answered Amy matter-of-fact, like he was discussing some complex equation with one of his colleagues from the university. "I thought you said the first time we met that you discouraged coitus or anything leading to it. Did you change your mind?" He seemed genuinely preoccupied with that. "I find the process so…unsanitary."

"Well, you know the only reason I went out on a date was because I promised my mother. However, since we started our relationship, I've noticed that we seem to hold onto the same sort of rules and approach to life. Not only that, but we both have very high IQs and I think you are a suitable match for generating kids with high IQs. Never mind the fact that my mother has begun insisting that she wants grandchildren – and who knows what kind of new atrocities the woman would come up with to inflict on my children, I really don't know how I turned out the way I did – but I digress. I think it's our duty towards humankind to ensure that the next generation has at least one or two geniuses among them."

"I still don't see how that translates to us having intercourse tonight, though. Unless you want us to have kids right now, which I don't find agreeable."

Penny was flabbergasted – puzzled seemed too little for a situation like this.

"No, I don't want to be a mother right now - Istill have to achieve my post doctorate, you know that. Anyway, apart from adequate and highly intelligent parents needed to raise a genius child, such a kid can't be raised by a dysfunctional family, which is to mean both parents need to be together throughout the child's growth and education. As a matter of fact, a conventionally classified 'happy couple' has a higher chance of raising smart kids than a dysfunctional family, even with the parents IQ out of the equation."

"Yeah, I think Leonard's distress when his parents got separated is proof of that – not that he was a child or even much of a genius to begin with, but it serves as an example."

Leonard opened his mouth as if to argue, but Penny kicked him. She wanted to see where this surreal conversation was heading.

"Yes, so, I read some articles about successful couples and families, and apparently, satisfying sexual intercourse is necessary for having a conventionally happy family." She adjusted her glasses. "That, and my roommate also highly recommended it to me. She did not use appropriate or even polite words, or an acceptable voice volume, quite the contrary, mind you. She is not very articulate herself."

Penny had to stick her hand in her mouth to keep from laughing at the thought of Amy's roommate telling her to F- herself.

"So, we need to find out if we are both agreeable to each other before considering initiating a family to generate high IQ children. We have been seeing each other for a little over a year, and my biological clock is ticking - as I get older, so do my ovaries, and the risk for genetic disorders such as Down Syndrome escalates. So, I think we should test our compatibility tonight."

"Amy, as I'm sure you know, such an activity should be scheduled beforehand by email."

"I know Sheldon, but since tonight is Anything Can Happen Thursday, I think it fits your schedule perfectly."

For the first time since meeting Amy, Penny thought she saw a glint of mischievousness in the girl's eye. But she was probably imagining things.

"Oh, all right, you do have valid points. It's just that I'd have preferred to review some of the literature I've studied about sexual intercourse before attempting this enterprise." Sheldon got up. "Leonard, as I'm sure you haven't depleted your condom supply since you've been quite lonely after breaking up with Penny – except for that _incident_ with Doctor Plimpton" Sheldon said contemptuously, "would you mind giving me one?"

Leonard managed to gasp out a small "Sure."

Amy retorted, "Actually, I think you should take two. Just in case. One can never be too prepared."

"You do know that using two condoms only heightens the risk of ripping the device, right?"

"Oh, that's not what I had in mind. It's just in case we decide to repeat the experiment before drawing any conclusions."

"Okay. Will you accompany me, then?" Sheldon gestured to his room, and Amy got up from the couch.

Leonard turned to Penny. "I know we have just recently – and weakly – reestablished our friendship after we broke up, but can I please sleep on your couch?" he blurted out, desperately.

Penny smirked. "What, afraid you might get scarred for life if you hear those two?"

"Pretty much," Leonard admitted.

"Well, tonight you can, but you better pray they aren't 'compatible'," she said stressing the quotation marks with her fingers in the air. "Unless you plan on never sleeping in this apartment again."

"Well, that's why tomorrow I'm buying a pair of soundproof earplugs."

THE END


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